Yay for my 2nd blog!

So when i lived in Santa Cruz CA for a month i was introduced to one of my favorite songs: Love Today by Mika. When i moved here I decided to listen to it every single morning. It makes me so happy. I listen to it just to get motivated or just to dance. Mostly just to say HEY! be optimistic today is going to be awesome.

I have been here for four days. The song worked every day.

Except today. *oh so dramatic*

It started when i got out of the shower. I noticed my mom had washed my shirts and put them up on stairwell for me to get them.

I grabbed one at random

The shirt read: QUEER CAMP 09

When i put on this shirt i did not think:

Oh im really going to stun the mormons with this.

I did not think:

I better flaunt my sexuality today!

I did not think. Period

Now I went upstairs because my parents had chores for me to complete. (as parents so often do)

So they saw by now that i was wearing my QUEER CAMP 09 shirt. I am now downstairs in my room cleaning it while singing various songs from hair parade and jesus christ superstar. My Dad and Mom come down.

My dad starts the conversation

Dad: Scott i have a question.....

(now you always know its going to be a long conversation when he starts out with "i have a question."

Me: um... ya? (by this time im racking my brain trying to figure out at what i owe this pleasure. The only thing i can think of is im taking to long to clean my room.)

Dad: You know your not in california any more right?

Ok its going to be another sexuality talk.

Scott: well...ya?

Dad: So you know that utah isnt as accepting to gays as california?

Uh ya why do you think i left for a month. it wasnt for the oranges.

It then came down to the shirt.

The following comments are from my parents.

I'm just looking at for you. I dont want to see you get hurt.

I dont go around wearing a shirt that say STRAIGHT

I dont want people to think of us different because our son is wearing THAT.

Scott. What if two people are driving down the road and say to themselves oh that kids a faggot lets hurt him.

By now my head is spinning. The thing that confuses me the most is the fact that they say they want to protect me but all there doing is shoving fear down my throat. I would wish they could be more supportive. Not just see me wearing a rainbow and say

OH MA WORD! HETEROS WITH PITCHFORKS ARE GONNA STAB YA!

HOWEVER

I admit i am in the wrong. I know that when i come out of the closet. Everyday so are they.

I know it must be hard for a mormon family to admit one of there sons is a self proclaimed queer.

I just picked out a shirt. I didnt mean to hurt anybody. So know i have to ask myself. When do i hide myself and when do i be myself?

They say they dont want me to get hurt. So should i go around wearing a shirt with a marijuana leaf? There are so many druggies in richfield they would just be welcoming.

There arent any out queers. Want to know why

Because they are afraid.

One of the comments was:

I dont go around wearing a STRAIGHT shirt.

Well obviously. You dont need to. You dont need to remind people. Hey there are people different from you in the world. Were not all straight right handed white men. I am not saying i need to push my sexuality on people im just saying thats why they dont have straight shirts.

I have a friend who is very very dear to me. One of the most loving people i know. He made a comment on facebook once: Hey why dont we have a straight pride?

You dont need a straight pride

You. Live. It. Everyday.

The cops dont hurt you cause your straight you dont get hate mail for being straight. You are never told that you are going to hell for being straight. You have never sat in your bathroom clutching a stuffed animal wondering. IS THIS SHIT REALLY WORTH IT? just because of your sexuality.

Pride is for queer people to get together and say. HEY THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE ME! WERE NOT DEMONS! We actually seem pretty cool!

I have been wondering all day about the predicament with the shirt. I have decided not to wear any gay themed threads around my parents. I want to be more aware of there feelings. I dont want them to be uncomfortable. But i want to make it terribly clear.

I WILL NOT HIDE MYSELF.

I AM NOT GOING TO GO BACK INTO THAT CLOSET.

After all the drama was over and we calmed down a bit, my dad came back downstairs this is the conversation that followed

I know your trying to help and protect me but i cant change the world if im stuck in the closet i was in it for eighteen years im not going back.

Well scott if you need to change the world then, then im here to help you.

Thanks dad.

Lets close with another really great quote.

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~Ernest Gaines

Think about it