Dear Friend:

My mom blames California for me being a lesbian. "Everything was fine until you moved out there." "That's right, Mom, we have mandatory lesbianism in West Hollywood. The Gay Patrol busted me, and I was given seven business days to add a significant amount of flannel to my wardrobe. ~Coley Sohn


KIKE. JESUS LOVER. MUZZIE. PECKERWOOD. NIGGER. CHINK. YANK. MICK.

FAGGOT.

Words hurt. This week i have heard the word "faggot" no less than four times. Three of those were from a very good friend of mine. Sometimes i hear homosexuals say the word faggot and that gets me really confused. Lets look at what makes the word derogatory:

In the inquisition of Europe, when witches were
being burned, among those sought out for
burning were gay people. They were required to
gather the very "bundles of sticks" (the real
meaning of the word) with which they would be
burnt. When the sticks were running
out, gay men were thrown on the fire to keep it
going for the witches. The word came to mean gay
man to force them into the closet for fear of
death.

I explained this to one of my friends and he made the statement:

"Well when my friends say it thats obviously not what there thinking."

Thats true. I'm sure people dont use the word "faggot" instead of:

" Hey you homosexual who i think should be used as firewood"

But obviously there using it rude and derogatorily. Lets face it there is no nice way to say fag. So why should we try to make excuses for why it is OK to use it? It doesn't matter why your using it. It doesn't matter if your saying it jokingly, it doesn't matter if you don't mean to be rude. You are. So knock it off. Just don't say it. Pick up a dictionary and try to educate yourself to say something else just a little bit more intelligent.

If your in a situation where someone uses the f word if its one of your good friends just simply ask them not to say it. If its someone you don't really know just walk away get out of the situation. Just walk away. People might get the message. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in.

On a brighter note!

A few months ago when I realized that I would be changing my life forever and making the trek to Santa Cruz California I was talking to one of my best friends telling him my (then) current feelings about the church, my orientation and my future. I told him that i would be leaving and he told me that he thought i was leaving because being gay would be more accessible and it would be easier to find someone. Which are kind of true but it wasn't the whole reason why. He couldn't grasp how i could be so comfortable with who i was and know that Jesus loves me for who and what i am. Whenever he would say some scripture reference or church talk it didn't seem like he was trying to get me to know what he was saying it seemed like he wanted the same strength that i did to get out of the struggles he was also dealing with. He basically seemed to be condemning me to hell for who i was. I know it was all out of love and he was trying to do what he was taught the best for me.

That was like six months ago and now i am proud to say he called me today to tell me he has come out to his parents his friends family and himself. He is also hopelessly in love. I couldn't be happier for him.

Dear Friend, Thank you so much for being in my life for everything we have ever done. For celebrating new years together over an amazing video game. For you being there for me and helping me through all my hard times and tough troubles. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for helping me stay religious. Thanks for just being a monumentally awesome friend to look up to. I love you friend. I

Friend, is it OK if I'm there for you now? I have been through some of the stuff your about to go through and i want to be there to help you whenever you need it. I want to be your rock so talk to me whenever you need never hesitate to call and keep staying on the right path and having such a strong foundation of love and faith.

lovingly,
Scott Zaborski

"Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead."
- Anna Cummins

I knew exactly what i wanted to blog about before i started this but it was really hard finding the PERFECT quote but i got one

Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people. ~Martina Navratilova

I got the idea for this blog from this extremely wonderful video found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsjOlsG9ZG4&feature=channel

You can watch that first or just keep reading and watch it later but just make sure to watch.

First to start off we need to give a good definition to the word: Stereotype

Stereotype: a conventional or formulaic conception or image

We all know our stereotypes: Cheerleaders are dumb, nerds all wear glasses, but i didn't create a blog for cheerleaders or nerds

My blog is for Queer People.

All gay people love musicals love fashion and want to do hair when they grow up.

All gay people have limp wrists

All gay people have lisps

Gay people are obsessed with sex

You get the idea. For people who are saying, "yea what he said is true! All gay people really do have limp wrists lisps love musicals and sex!"

Well i need you to know something:

My name is: Randall Scott Zaborski. I love harry potter musicals and video games.

I don't have a lisps my wrists are pretty intact and i'm not at all obsessed with sex.

I hate when my fellow gay family refers to each other as "queens" or females.

I'm as comfortable with my gender as i am with my orientation.

I'm an activist. My strongest goal is to change peoples ignorance

If you want to argue with me about gays being "ok" im totally down for it. If you ever want help coming out? Im totally down for it. Send me an email at theutahqueer@gmail.com

All these things there not because im gay.

Its because im Randall Scott Zaborski.

Im not a gay. Im a human. I am human first musical theater dork second and gay third

So if your reading this and you think your absolutely perfect and you dont ever stereotype how often have you ever said: Hey im talking to my gay friend. or I hung out with my gay best friend yesterday?

Thats stereotyping. I hate when people say that about me.

Im not the only one. I am talking to one of my cool facebook friends, his name is taylor and he is talking to me about coming out. He is nervous about coming out because well, heres a quote:

"hey, my gay friend Taylor is...". Just cause I've found that people tend to treat it as if it's something that is a major defining element of a person...

I would never say hey my straight friend... Being gay isnt WHO we are it is a SMALL PART of who we are. It doesnt define us. It doesnt limit us. YOu wouldnt say oh my brown eyed friend is calling me. So the next time you hear someone say: So i was talking to My gay friend/brother/uncle or whatever the other day. Respond to them and say: Oh thats cool I was actually reading a blog by one of my musical loving harry potter reading non lisping friends.

We cant change the world overnight but if we do small things like this little by little we will start to see change.

Something to think about until the next blog:

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." ~Robin Tyler

Dear Steve: You dont exist

One of the first things you will hear from someone who is not queer friendly:

Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve faggot!

I have heard this more times than i can count.

Well guess what God created all of us. God created more than two people.

He. Created. All. Of. Us.

I'm sorry this sounds a big religous. I believe in god but im not going to aim towards any one religion. For people who arent religous: You rock to!

Now to what i was saying. Lets say Adam and Eve were two blondes and they had blue eyes.

Should we hmmm. have a holocaust and shower everyone with poison who isnt like them?

Should we all walk around with fig leafs? Maybe we should talk to snakes?

Adam and Eve (everyone believes) were white so should we kill all peoples of color?

How thick can you get?

As always a quote to finish:

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. ~Johann von Goethe

Yay for my 2nd blog!

So when i lived in Santa Cruz CA for a month i was introduced to one of my favorite songs: Love Today by Mika. When i moved here I decided to listen to it every single morning. It makes me so happy. I listen to it just to get motivated or just to dance. Mostly just to say HEY! be optimistic today is going to be awesome.

I have been here for four days. The song worked every day.

Except today. *oh so dramatic*

It started when i got out of the shower. I noticed my mom had washed my shirts and put them up on stairwell for me to get them.

I grabbed one at random

The shirt read: QUEER CAMP 09

When i put on this shirt i did not think:

Oh im really going to stun the mormons with this.

I did not think:

I better flaunt my sexuality today!

I did not think. Period

Now I went upstairs because my parents had chores for me to complete. (as parents so often do)

So they saw by now that i was wearing my QUEER CAMP 09 shirt. I am now downstairs in my room cleaning it while singing various songs from hair parade and jesus christ superstar. My Dad and Mom come down.

My dad starts the conversation

Dad: Scott i have a question.....

(now you always know its going to be a long conversation when he starts out with "i have a question."

Me: um... ya? (by this time im racking my brain trying to figure out at what i owe this pleasure. The only thing i can think of is im taking to long to clean my room.)

Dad: You know your not in california any more right?

Ok its going to be another sexuality talk.

Scott: well...ya?

Dad: So you know that utah isnt as accepting to gays as california?

Uh ya why do you think i left for a month. it wasnt for the oranges.

It then came down to the shirt.

The following comments are from my parents.

I'm just looking at for you. I dont want to see you get hurt.

I dont go around wearing a shirt that say STRAIGHT

I dont want people to think of us different because our son is wearing THAT.

Scott. What if two people are driving down the road and say to themselves oh that kids a faggot lets hurt him.

By now my head is spinning. The thing that confuses me the most is the fact that they say they want to protect me but all there doing is shoving fear down my throat. I would wish they could be more supportive. Not just see me wearing a rainbow and say

OH MA WORD! HETEROS WITH PITCHFORKS ARE GONNA STAB YA!

HOWEVER

I admit i am in the wrong. I know that when i come out of the closet. Everyday so are they.

I know it must be hard for a mormon family to admit one of there sons is a self proclaimed queer.

I just picked out a shirt. I didnt mean to hurt anybody. So know i have to ask myself. When do i hide myself and when do i be myself?

They say they dont want me to get hurt. So should i go around wearing a shirt with a marijuana leaf? There are so many druggies in richfield they would just be welcoming.

There arent any out queers. Want to know why

Because they are afraid.

One of the comments was:

I dont go around wearing a STRAIGHT shirt.

Well obviously. You dont need to. You dont need to remind people. Hey there are people different from you in the world. Were not all straight right handed white men. I am not saying i need to push my sexuality on people im just saying thats why they dont have straight shirts.

I have a friend who is very very dear to me. One of the most loving people i know. He made a comment on facebook once: Hey why dont we have a straight pride?

You dont need a straight pride

You. Live. It. Everyday.

The cops dont hurt you cause your straight you dont get hate mail for being straight. You are never told that you are going to hell for being straight. You have never sat in your bathroom clutching a stuffed animal wondering. IS THIS SHIT REALLY WORTH IT? just because of your sexuality.

Pride is for queer people to get together and say. HEY THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE ME! WERE NOT DEMONS! We actually seem pretty cool!

I have been wondering all day about the predicament with the shirt. I have decided not to wear any gay themed threads around my parents. I want to be more aware of there feelings. I dont want them to be uncomfortable. But i want to make it terribly clear.

I WILL NOT HIDE MYSELF.

I AM NOT GOING TO GO BACK INTO THAT CLOSET.

After all the drama was over and we calmed down a bit, my dad came back downstairs this is the conversation that followed

I know your trying to help and protect me but i cant change the world if im stuck in the closet i was in it for eighteen years im not going back.

Well scott if you need to change the world then, then im here to help you.

Thanks dad.

Lets close with another really great quote.

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~Ernest Gaines

Think about it

The first blog Tue Jul 21st 1:22 Am

Well Hello there! Thanks for checking out my blog I hope you enjoy the ride. I created this blog as a way to put my thoughts and feelings dreams and plans on paper. (Your probably thinking: Hey this isnt paper its the internet! touché young apprentice To friggin shey!) What should my first blog be about? Well lets start with the name The Utah Queer. You may be thinking "Hey! Dont insult yourself!" Well my friend the word "queer" as an insult is SO 1970's. This past year i have been finding who i am and what i believe in and now that i have all that pretty much figured out, now i want to teach people.

Lets start with the acronym GLBT. This stands for Gay, Lesbian Bi and Transgender. A gay person or "homosexual" is a self proclomation or adjective to say hey guess what i am a boy and i just so happen to like them so there! Lesbian is the same but with two women. Bi means you like both genders (stayin up on the fence then are we? hmm hmmm!) and transgender is a way to say I might have been born with the plumbing of a (insert either male or female here) but i actually kind of want to be known as (insert opposite gener here.)

In recent times though the acronym GLBT has grown more large to fit other peoples self identitys. I think the most current is GLBTQI. Q for queer and I for intersex. (someone who's genetical plumbing decided to pick both.

This gets VERY confusing doesnt it? Thats why we invented the cute short small 5 letter word

QUEER. This is a word to use when you dont have much time to say GLBTQI. It simply means "different" If you ask someone there orientation they might say oh im gay im lesbian or they might just have a little bit of mystery and say queer. This is a great word because it includes all GLBTQI people. A good example is i recently went on a splending camp called queer camp. A good decision to call it queer camp than having to call it gay lesbian bi transgender queer intersex camp.

This can sometimes make a persons head spin but its not to difficult to understand. Just teach yourself little by little if your unfamiliar with the queer scene or simply realizing who you are! My Blog will be here everystep of the way!

Please remember that your sexuality is not a choice! Its who you are! Your not wierd your not diseased and as much as the prominent male heterosexual world tries to tell you differently God actually does love you! The people in the picture at the top of this page seem to be so narrowminded they think god hates people. What a crappy god they have!

Lets end with a quote. This Quote requires a bit of explaining for people who arent to familiar with the current laws of queer people and the army. The current law is dont ask dont tell. Which means you can be gay and be in the army you just have to be closeted. You cant tell them and they ask if you are. So this means if you tell someone your gay or if you get caught having a sexual relationship with someone of the same gender you get excommunicated.....Did i say excommunicated? I meant discharge.

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one. ~Epitaph of Leonard P. Matlovich, 1988

Thanks so much for looking at my blog I hope you come back! Do send me e-mails with any suggestions you have! and if there are any topics you want suggested (maybe a person or time in history you want to learn about or just a fun topic) Then shoot me off an email at Theutahqueer@gmail.com